BIC 'cannot compete with God' says Chief

BOURNEMOUTH INTERNATIONAL CENTRE today announced it was considering not setting up an ice rink during the summer, due to increased competition with God.

Centre manager, Niall Jones, said that although they have not decided fully, revenue over the Christmas period took a real hit when the Almighty decided to open up an ice rink of his own, all over the town.


"We didn't take as much as we expected. God's ice rink was much bigger, and free...and, I don't want to risk saying anything that might come back to haunt me, but he just put his ice rink right the way along the road in front  of us, stopping people from coming in. We can't compete with that."


Meanwhile, a spokesman for God hit out at the remarks that the deity was using an unfair advantage: "I don't think God was intending to harm competition. He is omnipotent, so if he really wanted to wipe out the BIC's ice rink, he could have just used a well-aimed thunderbolt. There's no harm meant here, it's just that the general public want an ice rink outside their front door...well, aside from when someone crashes their car into your front wall. Those drivers are sent by the Devil himself."

He's organising a roller disco. How about yours?

When pressed as to whether God was planning a similar exhibition this summer, the spokesman said: "It's summer, and I don't think that would really fit with how God works. Mind you, I suppose it is Britain, no-one would be surprised."


The BIC's directors are keen to point out that they are still finalising the details of their summer programme: "We still have many options available," said John Amley, commercial director, "We will put on a series of events that will make God regret going against us."


"And you get free entry if you're called Jesus."