A PLANNING application submitted to Bournemouth Council for the old David Lloyd gym in Boscombe has revealed that planners have managed to find people that even Boscombe residents would consider scum.
The block of 23 flats could be used to house such degenerates as "young people", "chavs" and "students" - and this has worried local residents. Mike, of Boscombe, told us: "I'm incredibly worried about this plan. It could bring some undesirable types to this area, which has always been quite nice. I want to be able to get wasted on heroin without some chav coming and poking me with a stick."
"If this goes ahead, I'm going to say I live in Springbourne. I think I could get away with that, I live reasonably near to it."
The developers praised the plans, saying that it would help the current residents feel good about themselves. Spokesman Patrick Lenton emphasised the difficulty they had in finding anyone that people in Boscombe could look down their noses at.
"We have spent a couple of years scouring the country for the lowest of the low. But thanks to our recent partnership with Jeremy Kyle, we've now selected the best...well, worst...people to become residents in the new flats. We think this will improve the happiness of current residents. They'll never get to lower middle class, but at least we've got them off the bottom rung. Mainly by adding another rung below."
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