BIC 'cannot compete with God' says Chief

BOURNEMOUTH INTERNATIONAL CENTRE today announced it was considering not setting up an ice rink during the summer, due to increased competition with God.

"Give us a break" say police, as rudeness complaints rise

DORSET police responded to figures showing that complaints against them were rising by telling the general public to 'piss off and rescue your own cat'.

MP Burns: Trip was 'excellent'

BOURNEMOUTH MP Conor Burns hit back at criticism of his recent trip to Bahrain, saying that he had great fun mingling with people who earnt less than him.

Coalition Introduces Internet-Friendly Petrol Prices

THE GOVERNMENT is trialling what it calls 'internet-friendly' at a petrol station in Poole.

Santa Plagiarism Case Dismissed

FAMOUS kid's bedroom invader Santa Claus today lost a landmark case against a New Forest attraction. 

New Forest to Sell Government

AFTER THE Government today announced it was scrapping the idea of selling off Britain's forests, including the New Forest, forestry chiefs announced that they would instead be selling the Government.

Film Companies Pretend Bournemouth has Good Weather

BOURNEMOUTH council slammed film companies today, who filmed the town's beaches last July and tried to pass off the film as the middle of summer.