"Pretty please with a cherry on top, clean that flat" Council tells Landlords

The results of a council survey into living conditions in private rented accommodation in Boscombe have come in, and prompted the council to reach out to private landlords, promising to be their best friend forever if they cleaned them up.


Inspectors found that around two thirds of houses in the area had problems, and advised the Council that they should get in contact with the landlords to improve the situation. The council hence issued and passed around over 600 anonymous scribbled love notes, telling the landlords that if they would just tidy up a bit, they would be really nice to them, and maybe even hold hands once in a while.

We will give you kittens if you fix the heating

Landlords of properties in Boscombe were amazed at the near-avalanche of letters. One told us: "I was just minding my own business and then someone passed me two hundred folded-up bits of paper. It didn't say who it was from, but I just knew it would be from the council. Apparently, if I just remove a bit of mould, then they will be my bestest friend. I might even get to share that cool multi-colour pencil they have. "

A council spokesman confirmed that the council were going to be really really nice to the private landlords, as long as they redecorated a bit. "If they do what we asked, then they can come round for dinner one day, maybe. And they can have the other half of my Kit-Kat at lunchtime. But if they ignore the letter, then I am definitely going to tell my mum."