'Superclub' Plans Turn Everyone into Old People

Newly unveiled plans to merge two of Bournemouth nightclubs into one 'Superclub' have caused everyone over the age of 25 to morph into pensioners.

"No planes, no tourists" - Bournemouth's Overnight Transformation

RESIDENTS of Bournemouth were in shock this morning, as the town seemed to have made a miraculous transformation overnight.

Kings Park to get "gates of Heaven"

KINGS PARK looks set to get its current gates replaced with the gates of Heaven, purely to screw with the heads of elderly residents.

Giant Deckchair to Replace Bridge

REPRESENTATIVES of Poole Council have approached the company who put a giant deckchair on Bournemouth beach to take it to use as a bridge.

In Brief: Councils Announce Extra Christmas Parking

IN RESPONSE to demand, Bournemouth and Poole councils have opened up extra parking spaces for Christmas shoppers.

"Now we can restock" say thankful West Howe youths

YOUTH in the West Howe area have welcomed a bus company's decision to restore services to the area, as after two days without an evening service, their arsenal of missiles was running low and they had no buses to get to shops to restock.

"I Believe We Have Cured Poole Bay's Damp Problem" says Steve Wells

THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE of Bournemouth Council's Housing Department  rental property empire Dave Wells Properties, James Murdoch Steve Wells, has told the Bournemouth Bubble that the damp problem that has plagued Poole Bay for centuries has now been fixed.