"I Believe We Have Cured Poole Bay's Damp Problem" says Steve Wells

THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE of Bournemouth Council's Housing Department  rental property empire Dave Wells Properties, James Murdoch Steve Wells, has told the Bournemouth Bubble that the damp problem that has plagued Poole Bay for centuries has now been fixed.
The issue of the waterlogged bay has long been a problem to residents of Bournemouth and Poole, and many witnesses say that people often try to live there, particularly during the summer - but nearly all change their mind and go home several hours later, probably as a result of the conditions. But since Dave Wells Properties bought the entire town of Bournemouth, rumours have flown around that they were finally going to do something about it.

Dry as a bone

For the first few years, Poole Bay was used to house ex-tenants who refused to vote Conservative in elections. They were given a permanent tenancy in the bay. Steve Wells says they had never received any complaints: "We have put people in the bay for many years, but no-one has yet complained about any damp."


Despite looking out on a decidedly wet-looking bay from his father's Sandbanks mansion, Mr Wells considered his response for a moment before declaring: "No, I believe we have cured the damp problem there. It's fit for human habitation. The council said so. I believe that we have sorted it, even put up new wallpaper." When I challenged Mr Wells, as the wallpaper floated past, he replied "No, it's definitely still there."


We asked Bournemouth Borough Council for their comment on the issue, but were issued a curt statement saying "All hail the Hypno-Wells."