Locals Welcome Drug House Bust as "One Less Pill to Take"

RESIDENTS of Bournemouth hailed the police force's raiding and shutting down of a crystal meth factory in Springbourne, as it will mean they have one fewer pill to take each day. One local, Ethel Drigg, said that it will cut her 'pill time' down from an hour to roughly 58 minutes each day: "It was at the point where my little pill box was overflowing. I have no idea what half of these do, so it's nice that I can ease up a little on numbers. I'll be rattling!"

Police have said that while they have stopped the local supply of crystal meth, residents can choose from any number of replacements: "We may have closed this factory, but the people of Bournemouth can still get their hands on many other drugs, such as cannabis, cocaine, and those strange little pills that weird people give you in clubs."

He added that you can find your nearest drug den by using Google Maps, or by calling in at your local police station. 

Andy, a drug dealer for one of the rivals of the closed premises, said that he wasn't expecting an increase in trade: "It doesn't look like it makes much difference, to be honest. I mean, I was in Bournemouth at 10am on Wednesday and it still looked like something out of Dawn of the Dead."