Bournemouth Eye Grounded to Stop People Realising There's Not Much to Do

THE OPERATORS of the Bournemouth Eye balloon have revealed they have been ordered not to fly the balloon this summer in an attempt to make Bournemouth seem more interesting than it is.Steven Richards, who works for S&D Leisure, the operating company told the Bubble about the secret order: "I can't, of course, reveal where this order came from. It was definitely not the council though. But we were told that if people went up and got the opportunity to look at the town from a mile up, they might realise that there's nothing more than beaches, clubs and shops."


"The council, who definitely did not tell us to do this, want to promote Bournemouth as having lots to do. Of course, they expect you to find that out for yourself, so they don't actually say what there is. But it's all a ruse. Oh, and this was nothing to do with the council."

The council, who had nothing to do with this, said that they were disappointed, but that Bournemouth had plenty to offer: "Why not find out for yourself?" was the cryptic response.

 "I can see arse all from up here!"

Tourists were ambivalent about the news. Drew Tyson, who comes from somewhere up North, said: "I really will miss the Bournemouth Eye. Of course, I never went on it, because it was so damned expensive. But I'll miss laughing at the people up there who spent the best part of £100 to listen to their kids whining for half an hour about wanting to get down. Oh well, back to the beach for me. Unless you've got an indoor swimming pool? No? How about a bowling alley? Oh, I see."

"Hold on, unless I want to get sunburnt, pissed or poor, is there anything to do? It seems - oh, I feel dizzy..."

We never did find out where the tranquiliser dart came from.