Man 'Disgusted' at Tesco Porn Mobile: "I wanted Tesco Finest"

A New Milton man has spoken of his disgust at finding Tesco Value pornography on his new mobile phone, when he had specifically asked for Finest. Kevin Daynes bought the handset from his local Tesco superstore, under the impression that it would have videos of Megan Fox and Scarlett Johanssen doing unspeakable things involving vegetables (from Tesco, naturally). However, he was shocked to find that the assistant had mistakenly given him a handset with Tesco Value.




"I was absolutely shocked," he said. "I wanted something to enjoy myself quickly, while the missus thought I was taking a dump, and I got a fat middle-aged woman in a bikini playing with an anaemic-looking courgette. I now have to go to therapy...I'm still getting flashbacks."

 Make any joke involving the word 'cup' and the police will be with you in seconds

A friend of the family added: "Kevin has been completely changed by what he saw. Mind you, at least he didn't try and hide his own porn from his wife, and pretend that it was his daughter's phone and some nasty person at Tesco had put porn on there purely to corrupt his family. That'd be awful."

A spokesman for Tesco said: "We are still investigating how this could have happened. We take the quality of our pornography very seriously. I personally approve each film clip before it makes its way onto our products, to ensure the best quality. Mind you, that lady with the courgette is a bit of a tramp."