"Oh crap" says Bournemouth

BOURNEMOUTH last night put its head into its hands, as the town realised the sheer scale of how badly it had cocked up.The town just happened to catch BBC News this morning, and was suddenly hit by the realisation that it had buggered up royally yesterday.

As the results of the local council elections came in, the town suddenly remembered what it was it had meant to do all day. A Westbourne resident said: "I'd had this niggling feeling all day there was something I had forgotten...and now I've just seen the news, I realised that it was to go and vote."

Seriously, Bournemouth, you re-elected this guy 

All over the town, cries of "Oh...bugger" could be heard this morning, as people realised that while they were at the pub, they should have been voting for decent councillors. Tim Easton, from Kinson, told us that he regrets having stayed in and ordered a takeaway: "It was a lovely chow mein, don't get me wrong. But on reflection, I'd have preferred a decent council. I guess it's my fault we're getting four more years of rebuilding and demolishing the same part of the Imax. Oh, and closing everything. And the porn, too...I'm sorry, Bournemouth."

Another non-voter said that while he had no interest in politics, he was actually hoping that everyone else would vote in someone else: "When I said I wasn't going to vote, I really meant that you all need to vote Labour. Cause, I'm not going to make much difference on my own. You should know what I meant." 

Jeremy Green, an arsehole councillor from Iford, said: "I'm glad that the result has come in this way. I, for one, am happy to welcome four more years of this Conservative administration. Now if you don't mind, we've got old people's homes to close."