Bournemouth Eye Grounded to Stop People Realising There's Not Much to Do

THE OPERATORS of the Bournemouth Eye balloon have revealed they have been ordered not to fly the balloon this summer in an attempt to make Bournemouth seem more interesting than it is.

Dave Wells: "Vote for whoever you want...as long as you have somewhere else to sleep"

BOURNEMOUTH property magnate and Overlord of Chavs, Dave Wells, yesterday issued a letter to his tenants urging them to vote for whoever they wanted in the council elections...provided they had somewhere else to live.

Search for Good Samaritan who stole and dumped Tory's leaflets continues

THE SEARCH continues to find the Good Samaritan who stole a Conservative councillor's car and then dumped his campaign leaflets a safe distance away.

Mobile Chavs will help combat new CCTV cameras

THE LOCAL chapter of scallies and ne'er-do-wells yesterday announced a new initiative to help combat the spread of mobile CCTV cameras.

Man 'Disgusted' at Tesco Porn Mobile: "I wanted Tesco Finest"

A New Milton man has spoken of his disgust at finding Tesco Value pornography on his new mobile phone, when he had specifically asked for Finest.

Locals Welcome Drug House Bust as "One Less Pill to Take"

RESIDENTS of Bournemouth hailed the police force's raiding and shutting down of a crystal meth factory in Springbourne, as it will mean they have one fewer pill to take each day.